So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
