The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
