My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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