Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
