i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
