PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize