we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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