i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
