I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
