seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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