and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize