I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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