I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
