put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
