I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
PANTIES FOUND
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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