We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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