my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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