so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
