my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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