Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
