just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
