the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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