He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
