if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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