left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
