i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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