I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
