If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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