so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
