i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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