Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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