we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
