Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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