Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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