the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
