We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
barbara walters just said penis...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Randomize
