tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i think my mom watched the whole time
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize