she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
