omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
