dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
