it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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