My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
