we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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