i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
your like the ambassador to my penis.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
