I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
