She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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