Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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