I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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