go do what you do best...puke behind churches
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
