need another drink. this is the easiest way
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
