I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
