Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I think people are normalizing furries
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
