It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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