Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
