What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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