for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
