Me too!
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize