mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
