you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
