I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I want to make a zoo with you.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
