Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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