i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
