Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
