Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
