You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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