the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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