I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Success! We fucked roommates!
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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