Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
