If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I will pee on everything he values.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
