He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We need to get me chipped asap
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize