I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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