Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
