As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
