Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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