The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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