I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Randomize
