I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize