It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
