Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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